Why They Haven't Called Back


“Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about”me”.

-The Four Agreements

For years, in listening to and counseling both men and women, the number one complaint is,“why haven’t they called me back”. When people don’t return our calls, we think it is something we did or didn't do. We ultimately assume the negative and often think we are inadequate or that it's our fault.

I am here to tell you it is not your fault, and most of the time the person eventually calls back to say they had some intense job project, trip, family obligation, or whatever that had to be attended to. What the other person does or doesn't do, is ultimately their responsibility, not ours. 

Let me tell on myself a little bit, and tell you how it works. Being a widow with a special needs child, and working a lot, it takes me some time to return phone calls. If I am out teaching yoga, I obviously cannot talk on the phone, unless I am in the car between appointments. When I get home, I have a meal to prepare, walk the dog, and occasionally have to return up to ten to fifteen phone calls in an evening. Sometimes I save the call, and plan to return it the next day.

Well, guess what?

Sometimes I forget to return the phone calls promptly. It has nothing to do with my friends or clients. It has to do with my lack of organizational skills, having a full plate and just a feeling of being overwhelmed. So, I apologize wholeheartedly to those I haven’t called right away.

I am a work in progress!

Another epiphany I had about personalizing has to do with a family member. This family member can be ill tempered and difficult. I use to think it was something I did or didn't do. But a few years back, I realized this person treated waitresses, clerks, and other family members in the same manner. I realized they were the common denominator in the equation, not me. 

Wow, what a wake up call!

What anyone says or does is a reflection of who they. 

To some it up from Don Miguel Ruiz's words in the book, "The Four Agreements"," Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one you live in.