We, Not Me

While leaving a party I told my husband that Luke (not his real name) seemed narcissistic. The only song he sang during dinner was do re me, me, me and more about me.

I told my husband that I needed to snap my rubber band because I was on a mental diet. I needed to stay in my own lane.

I justified my negative focus by thinking I was more discerning than judgmental

My husband quickly retorted, “You teach in your life coaching workshops the number one thing that attracts men to woman and woman to men is confidence. He seems confident.”

“Narcissism, in my opinion, is not confidence.” I replied.

I went home and googled the definition of confidence because I knew deep down that confidence was not being full of oneself, cocky, arrogant or even being braggadocious.

What I found was confidence was trust in another. You could trust them to hold onto a secret or trust they have your back.

Confidence is also self-assurance in one’s own ability or qualities.

But, I truly believe confidence doesn’t have to be self-serving, demanding or self-centered.

Narcissism has to do with being in survival and in lower emotions like fear and “not being enough.” The narcissist feels there is only lack, so they take and become what Dr. Judith Orloff calls an "energy vampire".

There is enough attention, love and sunshine to go around.

Luke feel free to share the spotlight and not be self consumed.

Luke how about asking how someone else is doing instead of talking about you and obsessing about your drama du jour.

I’m confident Luke that you can think about other bigger planetary ideas.... other than yourself.

I’m conclusion, my husband and I may both be right.

There is false confidence and real confidence. The narcissist can charm his way into making you believe he cares about someone other than him or herself. But buyer beware.

Look beneath the surface please. If you are drained, trust that. If you are uplifted, go with that.

Find more great insights in Susan Foxley’s book,,“Mixed Up to Fixed Up,” found on Amazon.com today.