The Real Love Diet - Fill Up Your Cup First
The Real Love Diet — Fill Your Cup First
According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages, we all give and receive love in different ways—through touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation.
But here’s the secret I want to share with you on The Real Love Diet—before we try to give or receive love from anyone else, we must fill our own love tank first. It’s not selfish—it’s essential. Think of it as the most nourishing form of self-care.
So, how do you begin?
Words of Affirmation: Try looking in the mirror and speaking kindly to yourself. Say, “I love you,” or “You’re doing great,” or “I’m so proud of you.”
Acts of Service: Clean out a drawer or organize a closet. Clearing physical space can do wonders for your mental space and self-esteem.
Touch: Treat yourself to a massage, wrap yourself in a cozy robe, or just hold your own hand in a moment of stillness.
Gifts: Buy yourself something thoughtful—a little treat you’ve always wanted. You deserve it!
Quality Time: Take yourself out on a solo date. Go for a walk, sip coffee at your favorite café, or spend the afternoon doing something that lights you up.
When you fill your own cup with love, you stop placing expectations on others to do it for you. And as we know, expectations are resentments under construction. If we’re always looking outside of ourselves for love, we set ourselves up for disappointment. But when we give to ourselves first, we show up in relationships whole, happy, and glowing.
Once your cup is full—and I mean really full—then it’s time to give love to the people around you.
Personally, my top love languages are touch and words of affirmation. In the evenings, my husband and I often give each other mini massages—not fancy, just 10, 15, or 20 minutes. It makes such a difference. I also love to shower him with appreciation and compliments. We often leave little love notes on the dining room table in the mornings before heading out—sweet reminders that we’re thinking of each other.
When it comes to gifts, I enjoy surprising him with little things—like a new pair of yoga shorts (even if he’s more of a stretcher than a yogi!). And when I visit clients, I sometimes bring them coffee as a sweet surprise. It’s a small gesture, but they feel seen and loved.
I have one client whose love language is clearly quality time. When I take her out for a coffee, it’s like I handed her a $5,000 check. That’s how much time means to her. She lights up. I make it a point to spend real, intentional time with her—because that’s her language.
My son Ben’s love language? Acts of service. His heart sings when he’s in the kitchen cooking for others. He’s a brilliant chef—way beyond my overcooked broccoli and tofu days! (He used to binge-watch cooking shows just to escape my vegan experiments!)
And if you’re feeling a little off, or stuck in a fog of self-pity, here’s a beautiful truth: being of service is a natural Prozac. It boosts serotonin and reconnects you to your heart. Maybe volunteer at the local museum or hospital. Call someone who needs a little love. Drop off a meal for a friend recovering from surgery. Visit a relative who might be feeling lonely. When I was going through a tough time, I would take my son Ben—who was just six or seven years old—to feed the homeless on Saturday mornings. That experience grounded us. It lifted our spirits and got us out of ourselves. Helping others heals.
So, I ask you this:
What’s your love language?
And more importantly—are you giving it to yourself?
Are you overdue for a massage? A solo coffee date? A deep, loving look in the mirror? Maybe a new dress or an organized drawer? Can you make the commitment to love yourself in your own language?
Because here’s the golden rule of The Real Love Diet:
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
But when your cup is truly full, you radiate warmth. That love naturally overflows—to your friends, your family, your neighbors, your city, your country, and our beautiful planet.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
You are love.
You are what you seek.
You are already whole.
With a heart full of love,
Susan 💕
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