The most precious gift we can give another person is our presence. — Thich Nhat Hanh
I went walking with my friend Stephanie last week and she told me about an assignment from her death doula training.
If you had ninety days left to live, what would matter?
I didn't have to think about it, which surprised me a little. I wouldn't work more. I wouldn't try to outrun the clock with accomplishments or one more stamp in my passport. I'd stay close.
I'd sit with John and Ben. I'd sit with my dad, my siblings, my friends. Meals, walks, mountains, ocean air, laughter. And I'd tell them, face to face, heart to heart: thank you for being in my life. Thank you for loving me.
That's it. That's the whole list.
Now, before this turns into the kind of advice that's easy to give and impossible to use, let me say the obvious thing out loud.
Most of us can't simply stop working and go sit on a beach with the people we love. I certainly couldn't. There were years when I was raising my son alone in an expensive city, and I'd carry a tote bag of unopened bills to the bleachers beside the pool and pay them while he was at swim practice. The other parents stood around laughing together. I was not antisocial. I was surviving.
So this isn't a post about quitting your job to be more present. Bills are real. Showing up for work is loving the people who depend on you.
But here's what I know now that I didn't know on those bleachers.
The work was never the thing standing between me and the people I loved. The thing standing between us was that I kept meaning to tell them and not telling them. I thought there would be a better moment. A calmer week. A season when I wasn't so tired.
That season doesn't arrive. You just get older and the list of people gets shorter.
The Real Love Diet isn't about chasing more. It's connection. Kindness. Forgiveness. Community. We need people who know our stories, who celebrate who we're becoming, who laugh at the same ridiculous things we do. And the ordinary moments were the important ones all along — we just didn't label them that way while they were happening.
So if I only had ninety days, I know exactly who I'd want to be with.
Which leaves the harder question, and I'll hand it to you too.
What's stopping me from choosing them now?
Not from quitting. Not from running away somewhere beautiful. Just from picking up the phone this afternoon and saying the thing.
Here's your Real Love Diet for today. One person. One call, one text, one voice note. Tell them specifically why they matter to you — not "love you, bye," but the actual reason. You showed up when nobody else did. You've made me laugh for thirty years. You've never once made me feel like too much.
It takes four minutes. People carry those four minutes around for the rest of their lives.
Maybe love isn't something we postpone until there's time.
Maybe it's the point.
Always, always, always go where the love is. ❤️ “The Real Love Diet” is coming out in May of 2027.
