I once drove over a row of parking lot spikes. Three tires. All at once.
There was a sign. It was clearly marked. But I had just hung up from a phone call that knocked me sideways, and honestly… I wasn't driving that car. My nervous system was. I looked right at that lot and didn't take in one bit of it, because my mind was still back on the call.
Three tires. One phone call.
Here's what I've learned from thirty-five years of watching people (including me!) try to change their lives: nobody fails for lack of a plan. We fail because we try to run a good plan through an upset body.
You know this one. You had the whole speech ready, then your chest went tight and you said the thing you swore you wouldn't say. You were going to be patient with the kids tonight, and then your name got called for the fourth time in eleven minutes.
The plan was fine. Your STATE was the problem.
And you can't think your way out of a state. When you're activated, the thinking mind steps aside and an older, faster part of you takes the wheel. So before you send the email, make the call, or have the hard talk… come back into your body first.
Here's how I do it.
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1. Breathe.
Make the exhale longer than the inhale. In for four, out for six or eight. It's almost embarrassingly simple, and it works every time. Your body can't stay in panic while you're breathing like a calm person.
2. Hit the pause button.
You don't have to answer right now. Not the text, not the email, not the person standing in front of you. "Let me get back to you" is a complete sentence. When in doubt, don't… at least not yet.
3. Meditate.
Even five minutes. Sit, close your eyes, and let the mud settle in the glass. You're not trying to empty your mind, just giving it somewhere quiet to land.
4. Move your body with yoga.
When the mind is racing, the body can lead the way home. I have classes waiting for you on my YouTube channel, so roll out a mat (or a towel!) and join me. Even ten minutes of gentle movement can change your whole afternoon.
5. Fill up your emotional tank.
You can't pour from an empty cup, and you can't stay calm on fumes. What fills you up? A walk by the ocean, a call with a friend who makes you laugh, your hand on your heart, a bath, a good cry. Do one thing every day that puts something back IN.
6. Create space and slow down.
Rushing is a stress signal all by itself. Leave ten minutes early. Put white space on your calendar. Take one thing off the list. When we slow down, we see the sign… and we miss the spikes.
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This isn't about pretending everything is fine. I've had hard seasons, and nobody could have cheered me out of them. Regulating yourself isn't denying what's true. It's deciding who gets to drive.
You can be grieving and still take three long breaths before you pick up the phone. You can be scared and still choose to respond from love.
So before the plan… the state. Regulate first, then go do the thing. And when you forget (you will!), be gentle with yourself. Breathe. Start again. That's the practice.
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I go much deeper into this, and so much more, in my new book, The Real Love Diet: Love Yourself Into the Life You Want, coming in 2027. Stay tuned, my friends… it's all about loving yourself into the life you want. Sign up for my newsletter at SusanFoxley.com so you're the first to know when it's here.
Love and above, always.
Susan
