Let Your Control Freak Flag Fly!


I recently flew to Maui where I lived briefly during my 20’s, and gained new respect for that familiar expression, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” Talk about getting flooded with flashbacks! I ran into more control freaks than anywhere else I’ve ever been! 

There was a barrage of comments like “wash your feet in this bucket before you come into the house” and “leave the shower door open two inches after you’re done” and “please don’t cook after eight.” Some of our Airbnb hosts were so persnickety.

Yet, as I immersed myself back into a community of health nuts and yogis, I saw a mirror of how I use to be. And my observation was disturbing and enlightening at the same time.

As the old saying goes,”If you spot it, you got it!”

Wasn’t yoga suppose to make you more easy-going and help you “wear life like a loose garment”? What about refraining from meat? Wasn’t that suppose to make you more Buddha-like?

Well, this was a wake-up call for me to realize how far I’ve come since. I’ve learned:

  • To live and let live, and give people the dignity of their own choices without me trying to micro-manage their every move...
  • To mind my own business and let others decide if they want a different form of yoga, Twinkies for dinner or to sleep all day. It’s their business, not mine.
  • To keep my mouth shut. No one likes unsolicited advice.

Everyone has their own path. We do best when we focus on OUR lives. It’s the most powerful thing we can do. 

The desire for control is fueled by fear. Some of us feel so out-of-control, we try to control others, our food, our homes (by being neat freaks) or trying to dominate and manipulate those around us.

Being a control freak can suck the air out of any room and destroy marriages, families, friendships, even communities and companies. No one likes feeling like they are being grabbed by the back of the neck.

Let’s walk our own path and let others do the same. After all, everyone does yoga on their own mat.

Melissa Heller2018