Drama And Trauma

 

My Brother disappeared without a trace on July 11, 2014 and we discovered this morning he is alive. All of my siblings were convinced he was dead, as was I. When I heard the news he had vanished, I started to feel as if I had been hit by a truck. My mind went to worst-case scenario thinking. I was disturbed for days with despair and catastrophe.

Drama and trauma had been an old story for me, and I knew it was time to get my tool belt out in order to avoid circling the drain. Here are some steps to take in the middle of a crisis:

  1. Stay calm and breath (meditate if possible)
  2. Keep your routine (life) in place if possible, to maintain a semblance of sanity.
  3. Talk very little about the catastrophe, so you don’t sink too low into the story.
  4. Take time out for you, between whatever actions you must take. (self-care)
  5. Attempt to talk and act in the solution, rather than the problem.
  6. Visualize and focus on the outcome you wish for.
  7. Get into acceptance and know that everything happens for everyones highest good.

Between talking to detectives, policeman, my siblings, and mother, I made sure I continued my yoga practice, received a massage, and continued working with my clients. If I let my whole life collapse with this horrific experience, I too, would go down with the ship.There were some things I trimmed out of my life in order to process the devastating news, but I did not sink. My life had to go on.

Compartmentalizing work life, family life, and tragedy is essential in maintaining composure so we don’t collapse under pressure. If you let trauma bleed into the rest of your life, the damage can become much greater. Placing things where they belong and into perspective, to avoid hysteria, is essential.

This week, hearing people complain about trite matters, bothered me. Didn’t they realize my brother is gone? Grief makes us so vulnerable and aware. Colors are vivid. Smells are intense. Sounds awaken me to the impermanence of all of us. My epiphany during this drama and trauma of losing my brother, is that  I am going to suck the marrow out of every smell, sound, taste, touch, and sight of every moment, from now on. Life can throw us so many devastating events, but we must carry on, stay strong, and just try to find some sweetness, in the sometimes overwhelming bitterness of life.

 
 
Melissa Heller2014