Why I Wish I’d Seen an Adlerian Therapist at age 14
Why I Wish I’d Seen an Adlerian Therapist at 14
Looking back, I often wonder how different my life might have been if I had seen an Adlerian psychiatrist instead of a Freudian one.
At 14 years old, I was drowning in depression. I spent over 300 hours in therapy with a Freudian psychiatrist—an older, stuffy gentleman who wore argyle socks, smoked a pipe, and carried the unmistakable scent of Polo cologne. He was kind, but we couldn’t have been more different. Week after week, we sat in silence or circled the same stories. We lived in the past—my childhood, my wounds, my pain.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was stuck. Stuck in the narrative of my suffering. Stuck in self-pity. Stuck in what had happened to me, with no vision of what could happen through me. There was no talk of goals. No mention of purpose. No push toward growth.
And that’s the thing.
As I now teach in my life coaching workshops: you can’t move forward if you’re staring into the rearview mirror. If all you do is revisit the wreckage of your past, you’re bound to crash. Healing isn’t about endlessly swimming in your pain. At some point, you have to plug into your internal GPS and decide where you’re going.
Sure, there’s value in telling your story. Sometimes, we have to tell it again and again until we’ve felt every piece and truly healed. But reliving the same narrative over and over without movement? That can turn therapy into toxic stagnation.
This is where Freud and Adler part ways.
While Freudian therapy still thrives in parts of Europe, Adlerian therapy and coaching have been steadily rising across the U.S. and Canada—and for good reason. Adler’s approach isn’t about endlessly unpacking the past. It’s about helping people become the stewards of their own healing. It’s collaborative, strengths-based, and laser-focused on goals and belonging.
The core issue Adler highlighted? A universal feeling of not being good enough. His therapy aimed to help people reconnect with their significance and their place in the world. It’s exactly the kind of empowerment I needed back then—and exactly what I now pass on to my clients.
Here’s why Adlerian therapy, in my view, takes the lead over Freud’s approach:
Freud Was Flashy—Adler Was Practical
Freud was a master marketer. His provocative theories about sex, the unconscious, and repression created buzz. They were edgy and controversial—perfect for building a movement. Adler, on the other hand, focused on practical psychology rooted in purpose, community, and growth. It was less glamorous, but far more empowering.
2. Adler Focused on Strengths, Not Just Symptoms
Freud often cast people as prisoners of their past. Adler saw us as creative beings with the power to change. His approach wasn’t about pathology—it was about potential. He believed healing came from moving forward, not just digging backward.
3.Victimhood vs. Stewardship
Freud’s model can lock people into a victim narrative, where they are forever unpacking what went wrong. Adler invites people to take ownership of their life story. He didn’t see clients as broken—he saw them as capable of choosing a new path. That’s the model I believe in. That’s the model that heals.
4. The World Wasn’t Ready for Adler—Now It Is
Adler was ahead of his time. Concepts like “growth mindset,” “inferiority complex,” and even “birth order” are now mainstream. But back then, Freud’s drama-packed narratives had more cultural traction. Today, though, Adler’s vision is finally getting the recognition it deserves—especially in coaching and positive psychology.
5. Dependency vs. Empowerment
Freudian therapy created a system where clients often became dependent on their therapist for answers. Adler’s model was the opposite. It was about liberation. He wanted clients to be their own guides. That model may not have been as profitable—but it was powerfully transformative.
So yes, if I’d seen an Adlerian therapist, I believe I would’ve found direction sooner. I would’ve been focused on my future rather than replaying my past. I would’ve been invited to dream, not just remember.
But I don’t regret any part of my journey. Because it brought me here—to the work I now do. As a coach, I’ve taken Adler’s principles and woven them into my sessions, books, and workshops. I help people see that they are not prisoners of their past—unless they choose to be.
Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That’s what I was doing—rehearsing my story without rewriting it.
It’s time to change the channel.
It’s time to turn the page.
We’re not here to be stuck in our stories—we’re here to write new ones.
Thank you for reading and sharing and please come join us at one of my workshops, retreats and write your new story with, “Mixed Up to Fixed Up in Four Weeks”. Also, see you at the Mindfulness Expo in Anaheim, California May 10 for “The Foxley Fix!” And remember to always, always, always go where the love is. ❤️
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