A Barking Cat


   Did you know that most things are out of our control? In Al-anon, which is a 12 step group for people who have relatives or friends of addicts often say,”We are powerless over people, places and things.”

Have you ever tried to get an alcoholic to stop drinking? How about an overeater to stop eating? What about an acquaintance or friend who has a very difficult personality disorder like narcissism? Not easy and almost impossible, right?

Spiritual teacher Byron Katie ties this conundrum up in a bow when she says, “Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark-hopeless.”

People are hardwired by a certain age and trying to change them is like beating your head against a wall or like teaching a cat to bark. It simply is not going to happen unless the other person asks for help and has hit a bottom and decided to make the change.   

In Al-anon they teach that you didn’t CAUSE the person’s behavior, you can’t CURE it and you surely can’t CONTROL it. The only thing you can CONTROL is your OWN behavior and your OWN happiness.

The best way to deal with difficult people is to spend as little time as possible with these people, unless you enjoy being left on a plate to be devoured. These people will chew you up and spit you out! 

Quit arguing with reality and face the facts that the likelihood of these people changing is like your dog meowing. The odds are against you.

If you find yourself trying to control outside circumstances, know that it’s an inside job! Stop pointing your finger and put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror. Focus on your OWN joy, your OWN peace and your OWN happiness! And remember to ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS go where the love is!

Melissa Heller2017