Ex-Lax & Ice Cream


A few nights ago, we had World War III in our home between my husband and my son and it went on way past midnight. Screaming, yelling, you name it. If you've ever watched “Jerry Springer”, you get the idea. Yeah, it was that bad.

It was only after I intervened, in my peace-making, yogic kind of way, did they stop barking too loud, too late and too long!

If you're having a Jerry Springer moment of your own, here are some tips to calm everyone down:

  1. If you are in a fight and it is beginning to escalate, be the bigger person, and walk away. If you engage when emotions are flared, it’s like pouring gas on the fire and everyone's going to get burned.
  2. Make sure when you DO talk again, you're not in fifth gear. Wait until your engine is idling or in neutral, before trying to reach a compromise. It may take a few minutes, a few days, even a few months. Just make sure you're cooled down enough so you don't ignite the fire again. 
  3. Make sure when you're communicating, you're not reacting, but responding instead. When you are in a reaction mode it is usually laced with emotion. When you're responding, there's often emotional maturity and a sense of calmness, clarity and rationale, as opposed to emotional vomiting.
  4. When you decide to make peace, own your part and apologize, no matter who was at fault or how much. Even if you only reacted, you took the bait and you have a part in the flared-up interaction. By cleaning up your side of the street out loud, you help the other person own his or her part (most of the time). The one who falls on his own sword first by admitting his part (no matter how small) is usually the more mature and earns kudos for even owning 5% of the disagreement. 

Fighting is poisonous. It's toxic. It can and will hurt you physically and emotionally. If you're fighting, get some therapy or more tools to clean that deadly energy out of your mouth, mind and home. Life is too short to have venom pouring out towards one another. Especially between the ones we love. 

Thank God the blow ups in our home are rare and always forgiven. That was not the case when I was growing up. Some of my brothers and sisters hated our stepdad. They would would do things like melt ex-lax and mix it in with the hot fudge on his ice cream. The little pranks seem innocent enough, but they were the result of much deeper pain. And we all know hurt people, hurt people. And sometimes those deeper wounds bleed. So when they do, remember that fighting and disagreements are part of life, especially when raising children. But we can choose to be emotionally mature and become the peace we seek in the world.

Those who know me well know my religion is kindness. I would rather be kind, than right. There's enough fighting in the world and we certainly don’t need more of it in our homes. Be the bigger person and choose to move away from negativity and towards love in every situation. 

Always, always remember: If you seek peace, you will find it. And no one will put Ex-lax on your sundaes.

Thank you for reading and please share if you like. Namaste.

Melissa Heller