As we spend time in the same city, with the same job, with the same spouse, the same children and in the same old house we may fall victim to criticizing and resenting those gifts which now appear like burdens.
You may be complaining about your children’s untidiness or your partner’s bad habits. Or criticize your home and your job that you now take for granted.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
When you start taking things for granted and things appear rote, tired and downright redundant it is time to pause and focus on what you are grateful for. Look at your surrounding as if you were looking at them with fresh eyes. For example, sometimes I will pretend that I am on vacation in my own city and I will walk around, or even get on a bus, and pretend I am a tourist. How about going on a date with your spouse and pretend you are meeting for the first time. Also, when you play with your children you can pretend you are just borrowing them for awhile (which is true, by the way).
Did you know that when we start criticizing the things we love it can actually gather momentum and before you know there will be contempt for those you love. If love has turned into contempt according to Dr. Gottman it is 94% likely to end up in divorce.
So before your same job, spouse, child or home gets on your nerves look at those things as unfamiliar and as if you were looking, feeling, touching, tasting and sensing these gifts for the first time. Become mindful and grateful and then familiarity will breed deep appreciation.
Imagine going to your favorite restaurant and ordering your favorite thing on the menu, but after a few moments, you get antsy and head back to the kitchen. You start telling the gourmet chefs how to cook your meal. You tell them what spices to use, how much oil to place in the pan and what temperature the oven should be. You decide to micro-manage everything!
Now, envision another scenario where you order your favorite meal and you sit, wait and trust that your order will come out tasting perfect without having to go back to the kitchen, barking orders and fearing your order won’t taste just as good as ever.
In life, do you relate more to the first scenario or the second? When you pray and ask for what you wish for, do you then rush back to the kitchen and control everything? Is there a way you can let go and let others, as well as your Higher Power, come in and co-create with you? Letting go makes room for bigger miracles and helps the ego step aside.
So, sit down, order, relax and believe that what you need will come to you. Let it happen. Surrender the impulse to control everyone and everything. Relax. You know what they say about too many cook....
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According to spiritual teacher Louise Hay the underlying cause of illnesses is the lack of forgiveness in your life. Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? Are you holding onto a grudge or a past wrong? How about a chip on your shoulder because you’ve been dealt a bad hand? Well, it’s time to let go.
The definition of forgive in Webster’s Dictionary is to "stop feeling anger toward someone who has done something wrong. Stop blaming or stop requiring payment of debt owed". The operative word in this description of forgive is to STOP!
Stop putting focus on the negative deed done, or the bad hand dealt.
The resentment or hurt done to you is like a burning ember from a fire, that has landed on you. The longer the burning ember stays on your sleeve the more damage it does. Flick it off fast.
Yes, you may have justified anger, especially if you were wronged as an innocent child. But you forgive for you, not for them!
There are many ways to forgive and move on. One of the biggest ways that really works is to pray for the spiritually sick individual that caused such harm.
If you have a hard time moving on check out Louise Hay’s books and Youtube videos. Also, read her personal victories with both sexual assault and cancer. She forgave such horrible acts and you can you.
P.S. Forgiveness begins with compassionate self-forgiveness.
To get hands on tools on how to get from “Mixed Up to Fixed Up” sign up for Susan Foxley’s Life Coaching Workshop today. Namaste.
Registered Yoga Instructor Certified Life Coach